Don’t eat after 8:00 pm; only eat veggies as snacks; never eat the same thing twice; low fat only. These were only some of my food rules when I was trapped in my eating disorder. My food rules gave me structure and something to follow. If I could follow all of them and not break one then I felt like I was succeeding; like I was good enough; like I was in control. But that was far from the truth. Food rules are the opposite of flexibility but in travel flexibility is key. Sometimes you don’t have control of what time or what you will be eating as your next meal. Because of the chaos of travel, I was forced to reexamine my food rules and release them from my life.
WHAT ARE FOOD RULES
Food rules are the personal rules that someone has about what they can and cannot eat. Rules usually say that certain foods are ‘bad’ while others are ‘good’. These rules are personal and usually have no scientific backing.
- Some examples of food rules includes:
- “Eating after 8 is not allowed”
- “No eating carbs”
- “ Only x amount of calories a day”
- “Chips, candy, popcorn, bread are all BAD food¨
HOW TRAVEL HELPED ME GET OVER MY FOOD RULES
Travel is all about flexibility. As a traveler it is important to create a little plan before your trip but once it starts if you try to control everything you will have a terrible time. Things are constantly changing when you are traveling and hopefully that just adds to the adventure.
Just recently I had the plan to travel with a friend to Argentina and she wanted to change the plan so that she could go meet someone in Uruguay. We had it all planned out for Argentina, but I also wanted to see another friend in Uruguay so we switched gears and went to an entirely different country. That’s the beauty of travel. Even when you think you know what you are doing things happen, things change and you are forced to re-adapt.
EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT FLEXIBLE
If you know anything about eating disorders then you probably know that eating disorders are the exact opposite of any level of flexibility. Eating disorders are often about a need to find control or a desire to release it and then rein it back in.
For me, my eating disorder was about creating control in my life over my depression and anxiety. If I focused on calories, numbers and the way I felt then I didn’t have to think about how my chest felt like it had a giant boulder on it or that I secretly dreamt of getting hit by a bus to end it all.
My recovery journey started in 2013 when my University told me I had two options: go to treatment or get kicked out of school. Since studying was everything to me, remember I was also a perfectionist, I chose treatment. The refeeding process, group sessions and individual therapy sessions helped a lot and in fall 2014 I went back to University and graduated with honors.
By 2014, I could maintain a healthy weight, I wasn’t counting calories and I was eating out in social environments, all challenging steps in recovery for a recovering anorexic. Unfortunately, the pressure and anxiety around food was still there. I still cried if I felt like I over-ate, I still spent way too much energy on thinking about how the pizza I was eating was making me fat or how I had pasta three nights in a row. My relationship with food and eating was still terrible.
In 2019, I quit my 9-5 job and decided I would travel for a year. I found a way to do a little freelance work to make some extra money but mostly I lived off my savings. Travel had been a dream for me. I did a study abroad in University which was one of the best experiences of my life and I couldn’t wait to experience it again. However, I quickly realized that travel and my food rules did not coexist well together.
I went from micromanaging meals and snacks to barely getting to decide what I got to eat at all. Sometimes I had no choice but to eat pizza two days in a row or eat something that I couldN’t read the ingredients in. I was on the move so often that I didn’t have a formal routine which meant sometimes I had meal times early and other times I had them late. It was overwhelming but it was like jumping into a lake of water and figuring out how to swim. I just had to figure it out and survive.
Eventually, the anxiety around making food decisions started to go down. I was doing it so much that I couldn’t afford to stress out each time I wanted to eat, there were plenty of other things to stress out about. Because I was able to let go of the control over food I had some incredible food. I even started to enjoy food rather than just view it as nourishment. I ate everything from bugs and sea urchin to caramelized movie theater popcorn and dulce de leche ice cream. For the first time in a really long time I had a sense of peace and enjoyment when it came to food.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
In recovery, food rules feel like the last little bit of the eating disorder holding on. In order to truly feel and be free you have to find a way to let them go. For me it was travel and I truly believe that it can be the source of freedom for others. But no matter what figure out a way to let go of those rules. They don’t help they hurt and trust me no one deserves to hurt that much.
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